They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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