I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
