So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
