i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
