she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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