I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
