You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
