took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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