She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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