She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
