hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
