You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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