So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
