i don't like sucking hair
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
