I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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