We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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