I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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