so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
