dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
