lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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