Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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