Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
