Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
