Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
3pm strippers are depressing
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
