And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Crop dusting thru forever 21
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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