That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
