Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
