I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
