I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
