NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
