Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
