her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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