perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
