You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
