best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
