Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
