Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
a search helicopter?!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
