plz talk dirty to me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
