I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
