my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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