Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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