i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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