Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home

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(315): View more from New York

just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".

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