There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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