i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
