another moral hangover. fuck.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
