she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
