So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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