We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
