I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
