I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
