I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
